Alright, beer league warriors, let’s talk about the most important weapon in your hockey arsenal—the stick. Your hockey stick is like your trusty drinking buddy. Get the wrong one, and the night (or game) just won’t feel right. But pick the perfect stick, and you’ll be slinging saucer passes and almost scoring goals in no time. Let’s break this down in the language we all speak—beer and chirps.
1. Stick Length: The Goldilocks Rule
You don’t want a stick that’s too long (awkward to handle) or too short (you’ll look like you borrowed it from a Peewee). Here’s the deal:
- Without Skates: Stand up straight like you’re trying to impress your Tinder date. The stick should hit somewhere between your chin and nose.
- With Skates: Same deal, but now it should line up with your chin.
Pro Tip:
Shorter sticks are great if you like dangling like you’re in the NHL (even though you’re not). Longer sticks are better if your main move is the ol’ poke check because skating back on defense is hard.
2. Stick Flex: How Much Bend You Need
Flex is basically how much the stick bends when you take a shot. If you’re thinking, “I don’t shoot much,” then grab whatever feels cool. If you’re taking clappers at warm-ups like it’s the Stanley Cup Final, read on.
- Rule of Thumb: Your flex should be about half your body weight. So if you’ve been hitting the beer fridge a little too hard and weigh 200 lbs, go for a 100 flex stick.
- Forwards: A lower flex (like 70-85) will make your wristers snap like a cold can of beer on a hot day.
- Defensemen: Higher flex (85-100) = more power for those bombs from the point that never hit the net.
Bonus Beer Math:
Every inch you cut off the stick makes it stiffer. So if you’re 5’8” and trimming down a pro’s stick, your 85 flex is now more like 95. Good luck bending that thing.
3. Material: Composite vs. Wood
Ah, the age-old debate. Composite sticks are light and fancy, while wood sticks are old-school and dirt cheap.
- Composite: Great for flexing on the bench about your gear. Plus, they make your shots look harder (even if they’re not).
- Wood: Perfect for that “I play for fun” vibe. Bonus: if you break one, you’re only out a six-pack’s worth of cash.
4. Blade Curves: The Secret Sauce
Blade curves are like pizza toppings—there’s no wrong choice, but everyone’s got a favorite.
- Mid Curve: The versatile option. Perfect for beer leaguers who say, “I can play forward or D.”
- Heel Curve: Good for defensemen who live for big slappers that hit shin pads.
- Toe Curve: Great for snipers. Or, you know, people who think they’re snipers.
Pro Tip:
Don’t overthink it. Just pick one and learn to use it. The puck doesn’t care what curve you have when it’s in the net.
5. Stick Lie: Not Just About Your Beer Stories
The “lie” is how the stick blade sits on the ice. If it’s off, you’re either digging holes in the ice or just catching air.
- Low Lie (5): For the grinders who play hunched over like they’re constantly tying their skates.
- High Lie (7): Perfect if you’re upright and coasting between shifts.
6. Lefty or Righty: Don’t Overthink It
If you don’t already know which hand you shoot with, just grab a stick and go with whatever feels right. If your beer league buddies start chirping, tell them it’s “ambidextrous versatility.”
7. Budget: The Real MVP
Listen, you don’t need a $300 stick to sauce passes in beer league. Get what fits your wallet and won’t make you cry when it snaps on your first shift.
- Entry-Level: Great for people who only show up when there’s free beer after the game.
- Mid-Range: Solid for those of us who play regularly but also have a mortgage.
- High-End: If you’re rocking one of these in beer league, congrats on your tax return.
8. Try It Out
If you’re buying in-store, give it a good waggle. Maybe practice your celly in the aisle. Can’t do that online, but hey, you can always blame the stick if you don’t like it.
At the end of the day, the best stick is the one that feels right. And remember, no matter how much research you do, it won’t stop you from fanning on an open net in the last two minutes of the game. Cheers to that, eh? 🍻
